How to make money with Coronavirus

The coronavirus crisis has revealed five distinct personality types. First, the paper panickers (PPs).

The people stockpiling toilet paper. While most PPs are well aware that loo roll is inedible and does not wipe away the virus, they do not seem to care; they are hoarding it anyway. These people do not want to die with any stain on their reputation.

The second group, who are fiddling while Rome burns, are the narcissistic Neros. By “group”, I mean Donald Trump. While it is tempting to include Boris Johnson in this category, I reckon he is type three: public school psychopath. In a recent TV appearance, Johnson suggested one approach to the virus would be to “take it on the chin” and “allow the disease to move through the population”. This is another way of saying “let vulnerable people die”.

Then there are the fatalists. A big shoutout to the woman I saw on the subway eating crisps with the same hand she was using to hold the pole.

Last but not least, the grifters – the people embracing coronacapitalism. Take Scott Disick. The Keeping Up With the Kardashians star is selling T-shirts and hoodies with PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS written on them. The hoodies cost $129.

This is nothing compared with the US televangelist Jim Bakker, who recently got in trouble for a claim made on his show that a product for sale on his website, called Silver Solution, could cure coronavirus. Nor is Disick as bad as the people who are trying to flog hand sanitiser on Amazon for hundreds of pounds, or the Amazon sellers hawking books such as Jesus vs Satan.

 The Origins of Coronavirus, which claims that the devil caused the epidemic. (Satan could not be reached for comment.) Coronavirus is not only a public health crisis; it also seems to be a money-making opportunity. And an unhealthy number of people appear keen to get rich or die trying.

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